A Little Thing Called Hope

Sometimes in life we face struggles. When we are young, we have mom and dad to lean on. Now granted the struggles we faced as a child in no way compare to what we face on a day to day as an adult.
      Sometimes as an adult we face problems we never see coming. My personal example is the sudden loss of a job. You get that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and then worry and despair sets in.  You wonder how are you going to make ends meet.  The one thing that keeps you going is hope.
    You can look at hope 2 ways. You can hope everything works out or you can have hope that it will work out.  I prefer the latter.  All through my life I have been taught about hope.  Hope is not merely wishing. Hope is putting your faith out there while waiting for the payoff.  Now we can put our faith out there but without works faith is dead. So I'm taking this out of that statement. In order for hope to work I have to do something shape the outcome. I have to provide some legwork.  I personally believe that these are the times God tests our resolve and faith. With true hope some action on your part is required. Sometimes it's just simply believing. Such is the example with my faith in Christ. I don't have to do much but I have to believe.  Christ is my hope.  Sometimes with hope a lot of work is required. With my example some legwork of phone calls along with emails and visit to prospective employers was needed. Sure I could simply believe that someone would call and offer me a job. I think that belief would be misguided.  God does work in mysterious ways.  I just believe that sometimes God expects us to work because of our faith.  I have a hope that I don't go hungry or lose my house. I have a hope that bills will be paid and the lights stay on. That being said I have to work for that hope. We don't have control over the variables. We don't control the economy and layoffs happen. All we can do is what we can do. 
     After some prayer over my job situation, I made 4 interviews yesterday. My hope was that at least one of them panned out.  Well as it happened 3 of the 4 turned into job offers on the spot. I also received a call after I got home with another offer.  My point is don't lose hope no matter how gray the skies seem. The sun will shine again.

Will you take a quarter for that?

It's fun to remember good times. Hopefully the older we get we will have a lot more to look back on. I look back at the typical Saturday morning for us growing up. Now there was the possibility of one of two things happening. Sometimes both depending on the time frame. This is how it would go. We would be up at the crack of dawn to watch cartoons hoping that Dad would be the first one up.  Mama got a little upset with us if we were up early on Saturday when she had to fight with us all week to get up and  get ready for school. We just could not seem to get up and get moving during the week but like clock work out of bed before 7 on Saturday morning. We had to watch our Bugs Bunny and Scooby Doo.
      Once Mom and Dad were up and moving around Mama or Dad  would usually make breakfast.  Then the plans for the day would be made.  It was either work outside with Dad or hopefully head to the flea market. The flea market was a good day out as a family.
      Mom would hand out allowance so that we had money to shop. Her words were if you spend it all don't come to me and ask for more.  Spend it wisely. A valuable life lesson.  So as we would make our way down the many aisles of the flea market we did a lot of looking but not a lot of buying. I can still remember occasionally mom would see something that would make her stop and turn to one of us. She would tell someone to go and see how much they were asking for the item.  We would give her the price and her answer was always the same "see if he will take a quarter for it".  At the time it felt wrong like I'm going against an adult what if he gets mad and calls me a cheapskate or maybe it had sentimental value and I'm insulting him. Yeah, I know the things that run through a child's mind. Sometimes she got her bargain of the day and sometimes not. It was a crap shoot. She said you never know unless you ask.
       My mama knew how to hang onto a dollar. I wished she would have drilled that into my head a little more. She did all she could to save money. She taught me how to haggle and never settle on a price. Every time I save a few bucks on something I can still hear her voice. " See if they will take a quarter for it".  I see myself becoming more like her as I get older.  She has been gone going on 11 years and that voice in my ear is as clear as any day she uttered those words. Hey mister will you take a quarter for that ?

Responsibility

I think the thing I miss most about being young, is the carefree aspect. We never had to worry about where the next meal was coming from or about shelter, electricity, it seemed it just magically appeared. Now I know it really didn't my mama worked hard to provide meals and kept the house clean. She had the responsibility to make sure those things we taken care of so that her family was taken care of. My dad worked hard to provide for his family.
   I think sometimes as a child we take those things for granted.  We knew we weren't going to go hungry. It may not have been what we wanted to eat but it was there always available at every meal. By the way if you have ever seen me you can see I never turned many meals away. My house wasn't the nicest on the block but it was always home and I was safe.
      I have worked since I was 11 or 12 at least part time or Summers. I started working full time out high school at 17. Working at a young age while still living at home I had just a few responsibilities. When I was still in school and worked Summers I would have to buy my school clothes and supplies. When I started driving I had to pay for my vehicle as well as my insurance, fuel and maintenance.  When I graduated high school 50.00 a week for rent was added to that as long as I lived at home. It was just a small taste as to what was to come.
    I finally got a real taste of responsibility when I got my own place ( which I rented from my parents) at the age of 18. I was working for my dad. It was construction so we would be affected by weather. There were weeks that were tight financially.  As I got older the responsibilities got real. I realized you have to do what you have to do to stay afloat.
     The point of all of this came to a head this last week. I was laid off from my job 4 weeks ago. I had been looking for work in the field I came from but not having any luck. Amazon came along and offered me a job which was something I needed.  It reminded me of that meal  that mom made me as a child.  It wasn't something I wanted to eat it wasn't appealing even.  This job pays less than my last one and the hours are on the night shift. There is no prestige no glamour.  But wait here is a thought. God provided it for me. I prayed for a job and this is what was given to me. Do I know more than God? Can I see into the future and where this might lead?.  But what about all of the family time I'm missing out on? Well being short sided you miss a lot of blessings, like a three day weekend every week. That's a lot of quality family time.  Its funny but God has a way of opening your eyes through someone else. After 2 days and just being in pain from my feet and knees I was ready to quit. This isn't for me I told Cynthia. I said I can take a lot of pain but this is killing me.  She said this is where God had lead you and you got this.  She believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I thought as a man of my house I have responsibilities. This is what I got to do. Here is the point life is not always a bed of roses. Some times God wants us to learn and grow. He always opens the door he wants us to go through. He asks us to be patient and we will be rewarded. He always provides us a way to provide for our responsibilities. Honestly I am looking at this job with a new perspective. I can hold my head up and be proud of a honest days work. I can give it my all and know God will bless my efforts. I can know that with God nothing is in vain and is done with a purpose. I will look forward to going to work and know that my family will be blessed for my work. I will thank you God for always providing for my responsibilities.
Big Skinny

To Grow Older Doesn't Mean Grow Apart

It's our grand plan as a teenager, to grow older. You know to leave the nest and fly on our own wings. I think we have a vision in our mind how we want it to be. I know for me it was to be always surrounded by family. I think this was because it was all I really knew. It's no secret to most that I spent a huge chunk of my post high school graduation days working for my dad. We worked in construction so our work days were greatly affected by the weather. We would have the occasional rain day. I know that these days would affect my paycheck but these days were some of the best that I can remember. What was it that made these days so special you might ask? Those days would start out the same. My dad would call the day off. We might stop for breakfast and then we would go to my Aunt Izeta's  and my Dad's oldest sibling, his brother Monroe, to just hang out. We Nicknamed him Muntz.  What was cool about my Aunt and Uncle's  house was it was the meeting place for my dad's side. There was no telling what Cousins Aunts or Uncles would be there at any given time. There was always a pot of coffee an the threat of a 42 domino game breaking out. My dad's brothers and sisters would all meet there, so I got to see my dad interact with his siblings. My dad came from a large family. He had eleven or twelve siblings so it was a huge gathering most days. I got to see my dad interact with his siblings and it was cool. There was a lot of love in that house and some good times for sure. I can remember on lot's of occasion on a Friday or Saturday night it would be a lot of the same. It did not matter how old they got they loved spending time together.   The times have changed. most of my dad's siblings have passed away. There are only three of them left. My dad and two of his sisters are all that remain of those good times. My dad's house has somewhat became the gathering place. It's not the same but there is still a lot of love there. They have all grown older so they can't get out as much for health reasons. My dad will still drive to where they live to visit when he can. No matter how old he gets that is his family and he still wants to be as close as he can. I know he feels that family came first. They were the first best friends he had. I know he feels that you can't let go of those relationships.  He has told me that you might not agree with family all the time and there are certainly times when you can't stand being around them but family is the most important thing in life second only to your faith in God and Jesus Christ. I am thankful for this role model in my life more than I can ever express. 
        When I say this is all I knew I am not exaggerating it one bit. In my mind as a teenager, This is what I saw in my future. We would have meeting place to hang out on the weekends and siblings would all be there. There would be a pot of coffee and dominoes. There would be laughter and love. It was a simple plan. I grew up in a family with six children, mom and dad.  I knew deep down that it would happen that way.  Well plans don't always work out like we think or hope they will. Here is the thing though, I am not sure you can put the blame on one single thing. I believe it's a lot of unconsidered variables that you never see as a bright eyed teen. There are family obligations. You know the kiddos have school activities and that takes all of your free time. Then there is the job that calls you away to a remote corner of the earth.  You can never find time to get back. Maybe it's just that you have gotten into a daily routine and family just doesn't fit into it. We can say that we stay in contact we text each other daily but come on in our heart we know it isn't the same. Maybe you did not have the same experiences with family or the interaction I did. I will say I am sorry because as I said before it was some of the best times of my life and I truly miss those days. I have watched all of those memories fade over time. I have seen my uncles and aunts slowly fade away and exit stage right. I have seen the old house where there were so many memories torn down and the landscape around it changed forever memories again exit stage left. I have seen my mom pass with cancer and another piece of life and memories gone. The oldest sibling whom I thought we be the glue bringing all together taken away from all of way too soon.  I have seen my own siblings scatter like a covey of quails in the wind. We still get together occasionally and sure we keep up with each others happenings on social media but its not quite how I pictured it.  I even feel like me and dad are not as close as we used to be, but I like everyone else, I am so self involved in my life that I neglect  to spend time with him. Shame on me he raised me better than that and gave me an example of how it should be. 
      My point of all of this is this. We are all destined to grow older Good Lord willing. We don't have to grow apart. Call your family check in with them with a real voice and love. Tell them you love and miss them because guess what they won't always be here and you will be filled with regret.  Final point. The last time I saw my oldest brother he wanted me to stop for a second and just talk. I told him I couldn't because I had to be somewhere. I don't know what he wanted to say. It might have just been to let me know that he loved me. Two days later God called him home. Maybe he sensed his time was short and he wanted to give me moment to always remember. I will never know. All I have now is regret. Time is short and futures are unclear. Tell your loved ones you love them, mend those broken relationships before time runs out.
  Love Ya
Big Skinny