Those Crazy Old People

Do you remember when you were younger maybe 5 or six? I know you are thinking you sort of can remember back that far.  I will say if you are thinking that, first off your grammar sucks.  I will say second yay for you that your memory works, that’s a good sign.  We would always think that someone in their 30’s was old. If you were a senior citizen you were especially old.  I remember my dad’s Uncle Ray. He was married to my grandmother’s sister.  Now I am sure that Uncle Ray was a cool dude to most everybody else, but that dude scared the Hades out of me.  You see my Uncle Ray was born missing half of one of his arms. He had about 5 little nubs where his fingers were supposed to be as I recall.  Now let me preface by saying I have nothing against anyone with a disability.  I am opposed to someone using the disability to terrorize little children for a laugh.  My Uncle ran a gas station a few miles from our house.  My dad would often stop in to buy his gas there.  We were a family of eight crammed into a Ford Galaxy 500. When I say crammed I mean it. There were five of us children stuffed into the back seat and we had no room to move. We were elbow to elbow.  On several occasions Uncle Ray would peer into the window and see us all sitting there. Back in those days no air conditioning in the car so the windows were rolled down. He would stick the half arm through the window and watch us squirm with fear all the while laughing it up. I’m sure my dad put him up to it because my dad had grown up with Ray and the half arm was normal to him. I think it messed me up for life in a way. I knew that anytime that I was at my Granny’s house and Uncle Ray was there I would not go into the house. I did not have a close relationship with him. Like I said he was probably a good man and a great husband but he just freaked me out. 

     Fast forward a few years later and we find my granny in a nursing home after a series of strokes took her health. I am once again dealing with people with disabilities. I am maybe 10 years old at this time. I know now that the elderly in those places are not in their right minds but I was not so much aware of it then.  I recall one time me and my older brother Gary made a trip up to see Granny Pope.  As we walked into the front door and made our way down the hall, we were approached by an elderly woman.  This lady was totally freaking me out. She kept yelling at us to go home or she was going to whip us. She proceeded to back us into what I remember as a closet of some sort. She was taking off her house shoe and she was fixing to lay into us with it. I was terrified and I was probably shaking. I was looking for older brother to do something but he was taken aback as well.  We were taught to respect our elders so fighting back was not even an option. So there we both stood in this small closet hoping that someone would hear the commotion and come to our rescue. Someone finally did. I was once again affected by another incident. I know that one stuck with me a while because I remember several occasion as a firefighter getting called out to a local nursing home on a medical emergency call.  I remember taking my helmet off and keeping it at my side as a shield just in case I needed it. That’s crazy huh? I remember all too well the sights and sounds of that place. I remember lady across the hall that would sit in her chair and say hello all day long. I remember my Granny’s roommate that had her doll to play with. As a child I didn’t understand the elderly and I sure did not understand the nursing home.  I wasn’t aware that my granny was getting dementia and did not know why she called me roger for about the last 2 years she was alive. She had no idea who I was.  Looking back my view of the elderly has definitely changed.  I see how wrong it was for families to dump their elderly parent off at the facility and just forget about them. I saw it firsthand.  The last Roommate My granny had been Miss Watson. That lady looked out for her because she couldn’t do it for herself. She was funny and bright and knew what was going on around her. That was her life in that place. Her family had dumped her off there like a puppy that they didn’t want.  It was sad. She was family to us. She became like a third grandparent. 

I see my dad getting older now. He just turned 79. I try to get as many stories about his life from him as he can remember, and his mind is still sharp. I want to know about his younger years and what makes him tick. I want to know as much as I can because some day it might just be a memory and the stories are all that I will have.   I regret not getting to know my Uncle Ray, I’m sure he had some stories to tell. I know he could have told it from the perspective of living his life with one hand. I’m sure it would have been inspiring instead of scary like I remember him. 

     The point is this; the elderly are not just taking up space. They have a lot to teach and share if you just give them the one thing that they don’t have much of and that’s time.  They will show us that we don’t know near as much as we think we do. I know my dad does every day.